Metallix

author - goodguy

publisher - goodguywrites

photo - JuTi of Istock

He was a bit of a doozy.

But just because he was a doozy don’t mean he’s a goddamn lunatic I tell you that.

And so it came with no surprise that he found a thing on the floor. I don’t know how the fuck he found that thing on the floor, or where he found it, but by god he found…

And oh wait… is he bringing it to the post office… ooh he better not be going through the way I think he’s going…

You see, there are theses alleyways that foretell a society of evil something robots that may as well be house appliances that gained elemental powers, or as I like to call them ‘yep, he’s fucked’. I would go into detail about how they got into the fountain of youth to control their element and all, but I think y’all get it by now, don’t you agree?

And so he went through there and…

Oh… shit, he just went through…

Oh god we all gotta panic… shit, this isn’t bad for the little boy here, this is really fucking bad, cause if he gets into a fight with some of them then the only thing he’ll use is…

And, whelp, he’s gone.

Now, these twisting turning tunnels are known for being some of the most faceted in all of history, with the most sharply cut jags of steel and jade a god of any calibre could ever produce, you in fact could say, if you’re a goddamn English teacher (if so, fuck you and your family) that their like an interwoven system of pipes and trails accompanied only by the most unequivocally American metal music one could imagine. The concentrated sent of aerobic rubies that can burn your tongue off, the gallons of heaps of hells of water that could drown you in about a second’s worth of your time, (and could probably dissolve you too, due to the sheer abundance of hydrochloric acid remaining within such that is its structure) and… oh, I forgot one more thing, the fact that the literal bats of oil can either hurt you a bit or ignite you faster than you can say ‘is it me or am I engulfed in flames!”

And well… look, here it is happening to the little boy right now… sheesh, that’s just gotta hurt.

Yeah… let’s just say he was so not ready for that, was he, the little bugger.

So anyways, that something of his has gotta get lost somehow (remember, we gotta pad out the story someway, and this seems to be good enough of a trope, so…), and so, just like every lord of the rings book after the twin towers were destroyed, the little boy had just seem to have lost his… jewel ring!

ARE WE TRYING TO GET SUED HERE DIRECTOR, HELL, ARE WE EVEN TRYING!

Goddammit, sometimes life’s gotta give you lemons, don’t it, kid?

Huh… so anyways, kid loses his ring, kids gone out to find it, kid runs into a rat that can travel through time, kids gotta get it off his back, kids jumps, kids fucks off rat, kid somersaults (damn that’s one athletic guy, gonna win a karate belt somewhere I tell you that) and now the kids here, broken, beat, bruised and scarred with tissue flaking up off his VERY EXISTENCE! WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT IS GOING ON WITH THE BIOLOGY OF THIS UNIVERSE!

And he’s got hairs standing up and his bloods flowing like a crimson stream on a kayak boat yadda yadda yadda you’ve seen the slasher horrors you know pain you’ve stubbed your toe or stepped on lego once or twice you get the boys shit and you get that his fucking ass was the one that got the most damage. You know how it all is.

But still gotta point out how he survived with the broken bones on his back, like seriously, what is up with this kid, and just this entire world’s existence, like, just… I need help… I need a fucking science team… please MGH, just give me one… PLEASE!

So, to us, he’s gone through nothing, but to him, holy fucking shit has he been through treck and trouble to get to where we are today. About fifty yards across from where he started… that is so sad… in fact, Alexa, play Despacito, we all need it for this moment.

Cause man this kid sulked hard, tears were shedding, face was redding, arms were kneading, he was in it all. I swear, you can physically see the sadness, the anger, the mixture of it all forming, ingraining around him, a ravenously darkening cluster of ash particles inflaming his dermis and serrating his internal environment, a mucus, an icicle on the very grips of held alibies.

And what’s worse, is now he’s gotta square off against these three bastards of a bot here.

Yep, I said it, I said there were bots here, and y’all didn’t believe me, beat that! even if there we’re bots here, the boy did not know what they were or what precautions to take, due to the fact he had not received such knowledge as such a child (but then again, that is to be expected off a unknowing human like him) but then again, they’re not known to be very famous, but damn were they definitely infamous. Like they’re Mettillia magazine and everything, that’s gotta be some claim to fame, right? Right?

Oh ok then I’ll describe them for you… as quoted from this document I am holding right here.

TOASTER ARTICLE NUMBER: 508! ELEMENT: FIRE! CLASSIFIED: MEGADETH CLASS! DO NOT ENCOUNTER IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE! YOU WILL DIE! The first one seems to take the appearance of an average everyday household toaster, though it’s metal appears to also take the hue of an orangish-red colour similar to that of when a steel is heated just to its melting point, with a pattern upon its surface similar to that of such too, a conglomerate of congregating rings emerging from the middle all overall encircling a white circle, as of which suggests that this is the location of it’s heating element, followed by yellow, orange and then red, first of a deep vibrant kind and then a barely appearing darkened red that just rests upon the corners of the device of its structure. Additionally, also usually, it appears engulfed by both a ring of flames and what clearly appears to be a black layer of burnt toast, all beneath a red and orange backdrop as a result of extreme heating, the fire the outer wall leading to the toast within, though both still roaring with heat and energy and will approach anything in sight even if it appears to be an object of inanimate qualities.

FRIDGE: ARTICLE NUMBER: 8! ELEMENT: ICE! CLASSIFIED: METALLICA CLASS! ONLY APPROACH AS A HIGHLY TRAINED APLIANICATOR HUNTER UNDER THE SURVEILLANCE OF A TEAM BOTH OF WHICH CRETIFIED BY BOTH THE DIAMONDES ASSOSIATION AND DANITE VERGIELLE CONVENTION FOR HIGHLY TRAINED FUCKBOYS, AND EVEN IF SO, TAKE SEVERE CAUTION AND NO DARASTIC ACTION OF ANY KIND! This one appears to be an everyday household fridge with deep blue shard-like crystals of ice forming upon its steel surfaces as a result of water vapour condensing upon its very existence. It is also known that some take the form of more advanced fridges or fridges with an incredibly large crystal of water impaling it’s fridge door from the inside (it’s none of these in this case), but that is covered in more detail from ‘Guide to richer finance machinery’ by Chuck Hetisfield, senior deputy of appliance hunting commissions. If the door is opened either via either conventional or unconventional means, an white mist of concentrated frozen nitrate-carbonate particles is known to either emanate gradually from its interior, or if tampered with via outside force, it blasts as such, both with the ability to remove the energy from whatever it comes into contact towards the absolute zero point, ultimate killing whatever I can encounter ultimately. Usually, accompanying it is both a chilling aura which causes shivering and extreme fractural shavings and hellish colds, as well as a storming continuously encircling blizzard that contains particles of hail with can collide with all objects, metaphysical and physical alike. Avoid this one, especially, if you’re not trained in the art of energy reflection.

FAN: ARTICLE NUMBER: 314! ELEMENT: WIND, REMOVAL OF ENERGY! CLASSIFIED: TESTAMENT! APPROACHABLE, BUT CLASSIFIED AS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND HELLISH. UNDER 20’S LEGALLY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO APPROACH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES AND YOU MUST BE APPROVED BY THE DANTITE VERGIELLE CONVENTION AS A FUCKBOY OF HIGH CALIBER AND A MID-HIGH HUNTER BY THE DIAMONDES ASSOSIATION. MUST ALSO HAVE STUDIED IN ‘PRESTIGOUS’ CLASS SCHOOL WITH AN ‘IMPOSSIBLE’ CLASS DEGREE AND POSSESS 1 ITEM CREATED BY THE TRUSTEES OF THE TAMANO FRANCHISE INCORPARATED! Stands at around 50 cm appearing like a constantly activated household fan with the ability to fly constantly, indefinitely and unbound by any laws of physics incorporated by President Norton Lai Hamilburg of the physics committee, as well as any other past iterations send by all who established as such. Always appears accompanied by the presence of a cranking, rapidly chugging, or deceivingly sylphlike, wind-like gushing sound, similar to that of a normal household fan on high power, however, exaggerated by approximately 10x the speed and decibels rotating upon its blades, known to cause extreme cases of deafness and an still to be integrated anomalous branch of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Additionally, an intensely bright, though unsaturated green aura will appear in its presence, accompanied via a massively catastrophic gust of wind, such of which can engulf a victim alive or send them flying, usually covering enough distance and force to cause death on impact, or if they’re lucky enough to survive, the extreme motion sickness and hypothermia from being forced to fly around can, and most likely will, cause death immediately on impact

Ooh kids not gonna have a fun time with these ones, aren’t they?

And Ooh this is gonna be a bit of a shit problem for our little child over here, isn’t there?

 And so suddenly he’s the prophet and he kills everyone and he…

YOU WHAT!

WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT IS... no, that’s it I am done, I am out of here in gone I am going, no this is bullshit, no next time try to tell an actual story instead of building your fantasy world with your little robots and rats and jade crystals and all that goddamn… just.. augh! You know what, I’m just gonna go now, no I’m gonna go fuck you, im gone no, fuck all of you, cunt, bitch, dick! I’m going. No, I’m going. Goodbye, yes, I said goodbye for fucks sakes, goodbye goodbye, GOODBYE!

…

As Laina Mustaine, the mistress of the whole operation: To all who were expecting a full story here, we are ultimately incredibly sorry about our development team. Clashes between our science department and our direction department have taken a wide turn in our departmental facilities. Please ensure your safety and comfort, as we are immediately on the operation of initiating our precaution for this and so we will find a replacement to our narrator as soon as possible, so as such we shall carry on the story as our directors, and you, the audience, have intended.

CLOSED FOR REPAIR…

…

Good morning, as said by our mistress Laina mustaine, we are very sorry about the experiencing of your happenings here, however, as she has said, the narrator has been replaced and as of which I am the replacement. Feel free to call me Abbonethy Makiri, or Abby for sure; I am usually the assistant of scientist Gerald Imbara, the scientist of whom had previously read such book to you, but as of now until the end of your experience, I am the narrator of your book and will be carrying on, and therefore ultimately finishing the story of this poor boy and his intensely tragic situation at heart.

So please sit down and read (or listen if this is being recorded to you by another personage)

And thank you all so much for your commitment to this book, thank you all!

So to carry on from where we left off… hmm… aha, here it is.

The boy, standing in a mystifying veil of peril, was surrounded by the sheer presence of these 3 machines, these exponentially awesome robots of fine attitude and badass calibre. Sheens shining, fire frying, ice cold freezing, oh this was the best experience a man could ever…

(Your referring to yourself again, Miss Makiri)

[Very sorry director, won’t do it again]

(Please don’t)

And as he stood in between them and the looming danger overhead, the sounds of metallic clouds roaring with thunder and only the sickest riffs on guitar, a thunderbolt of lightning struck and he was only met with the most powerful of enemies known to man…

But before this, we must not forget about the sheer forces he has had to swathe throughout to get to this point, the jade crystals, the time-travelling rat, the exponentially amazing fight with the other machines, including one that can control disease, entertainment, and even one that can channel the cosmos to a very low degree, what a mouthful this was wasn’t it, but my god the fight between him and the 3 machines was the most grime inducing, being engulfed in flames by the toaster as he was again flown ice cold by the combined power of fridge and fan, blown into the wildly following flames by the fan, an ice spike of death piercing his skin and then melted by the toaster to let all the blood drain from his skin as he drained, he cried in sheer agony of the situation, these machines were not to mess with, but nor was he, as there was one thing he learned… one thing he knew..

He knew how to run…

And how to hide…

And man was he hiding from them, left and right and everywhere else, from the small crevices to the absolutely incomprehensible caverns to your average aperture located within a wall of also average calibre, no two hiding spots were the same, and no 2 were either identical nor recognizable as a group from each other… ooh… there’s even a rumour going round that one of these hiding spots contained the elementally aggregated material of masterainum puppetram, a crystal of only the finest worth and also has a lot of useful properties, such as in the weapons and architecture we appliantees use to hunt and kill and research and hide these many machines for your many purposes. Personally, I’m in the secure, contain, protect route, but being honest, you can do whatever you want with yours, as long as you don’t show a dead cat to me, im good with anything…

Except dead dogs, especially dead dogs, in fact don’t bring dead dogs either…

Anyways, by the time I had finished should be the approximate time he used to hide and duck and cover from these pretty dumb machinery if I’m being honest, and considering that the average hiding time is usually 2 minutes by most hunters, whilst it’s recommended 10 mins by the secretaries of diamonds association, I’d say five minutes is a pretty good amount for this child… well done…

Oh no im getting distracted again… uhh… where was I… give me a chance please Mustaine… please… yes here we go…

Thunder and lightning and all winds roar, the sickest playings of guitar away we roll!

And in from behind Came one of the most deadly machines known to the class of machines known as the thrashical class, invented by lars samuelson himself, someone I used to work with under certain considtions.

And to all those who do and don’t resist…

Behold!

THE TRANSDUCER

Da da da… (heh)

An anthrax class devil of a machine able to conduct electricity at will, by only the slightest touch of intention can it convert all other forms of energy in the environment to the electrical energy it can use to power itself up and exterminate all, all including your life energy! It is massive, it is behemothic and it is deadly; since unlike an usual transducer, small and tiny and weenie like a rat, it’s power from the surroundings allows it to transform into this absolute leviathan of a monster standing at 30 miles tall, yes, I said 30 miles, can you believe that… and and and… right, it usually appears like a cylinder right, you’re getting this right, if you don’t just imagine a cylinder with a tube sticking out of its but (I know not the most pg rated 13 idea in the book, but you can still imagine it if you can agree with me, if you need help, there’s always Google, or as I’d recommend a good book form Dickinson’s library of ingenious books, love their books, not sponsored by the way should totally get into them) but you know what, right, you know what, they combine, no, they transform the energy around them, and do you know what they get? No, no? you want to know? you want to know how awesome thing is? yeah yeah? Ok then, here it goes, they transform their electrical energy into 8 jagged yellow spider like legs, all of which can electrocute to the point of killing any trained hunter, never mind a normal human being, and don’t get me started on what it does to a human child like him… but do you know what’s also very cool about this right… is that even though the legs have been analysed to be made of pure energy, they ,1, ignore the first law of thermodynamics and two, my god, they act such as physical matter does, which by my standards is both absolutely amazing and scientifically fascinating, like if we could channel sonething like this, we wouldn’t have to use heaters to store thermal energy, or bulbs for light, cause we’d already be able to manifest such an amazing way to do such a thing. If I was to discover it (which I hope I do… what, little ladies like me can have big dreams too, ok) I would personally call them…

Makiri cubes, and they’d have their own brand with a cute puppy and everything aww they’d be so freaking cute!

Ahem… back on the topic of this.

The boy standing face to face with this behemoth who was known to have been an inspiration for the Greek’s belief in the return of Zeus (and possibly Hela too, like, have you seen what she can do after she finds out Zeus has been fucking all the bitches in Greece… oops bad words sorry kids… ooh she’s give me nightmares if I was him, and don’t get me started on the cow, cause she was doomed from the very start!), the boy seemed to have no way to counter this beast, no way, no ho zay, he was doomed, from the very start, till the very end, and all he wanted to do was to visit the post office too, how sad it is not from him to get there…

And so he stood

Beneath this thing.

Sad

Gone

Though still determined to overcome this machine

This behemoth

This god…

And with that determination came a surge of red, fiery hot power, which by the way, is what the usual texts say. The power was discover to actually be a shade of orange similar to that of the jewel topaz or the peach on the cover of frank ocean’s channel orange, but my god it was still powerful still fiery and still as vigorous as any shade of power would be for any man of such calibre, including one lacking in age such as him, but everything about this became awesomer than ever, the atmosphere darkening to contrast with his steadily pouring orange upon him, the smell, shelter from all the impurities of sin that man had committed upon this world till now, and the guitars, the guitars, these guitars are shredding to some amazing riffs and you’re not gonna tell me that this is a sequel to tenacious D’s pick of destiny… now I’m disappointed, but the point is that he got such a surge of power.

And he got a lot of power

In fact so much power in fact that he became of what we know in most religions as a prophet

But to not make religious people mad as for the fact that I’ve confirmed that this child was the last of the prophets, I will be finally be calling him by his name…

Barry Wilson

And so Barry now charged up, powered up, riled and determined to get his something to the post office, he too his hand and revolved it round into a fist just as his father said to him all those years ago, he channelled every last bit of strength he could acquire, every last stretch of the homerun he could salute, every milestone of life he achieved from when he was born to all the way in the future where hell get married and have kids and have a home and have a good life and be old and have nice kids and look at the sunset and die you get the gist, but by the time the beast had tried to attack him, by that time, not able to since it was shocked, paralysed by the internal energy of this kid, of this man, of Barry himself, he it went in for a smash…

But it didn’t hit…

And for that moment, that was what you expected wasn’t it, a happy ending in which the hero beats the beast in cold blood and is celebrated as one of the most timeless heroes in life and death alike… a happy ending such as all fairy tales w=end with for all people who love and hate in his prescence.

Well, kid… this isn’t life as your taught from a young age.

This is real life.

Real life is complicated… but what it boils down to is that the troubles of human life getting so heavy, so hefty, so unbearably unstable that it all just falls, it falls on you, every single drop of it, crumbing down into dust, killing every dream you have, every man you’ve ever wanted, every parent who raised you, every friend who loved you every member of life you’ve even would and will ask for, everyone, ever, even in parting guises and in all hopes and dreams crushed by the very fabric bridge you step on known as life itself. But even so, it wants you to persevere, and get better, for you to improve and overcome, to love and to have, to want and to achieve, only to bring it all crashing down and make you start the whole process right back from the beginning. This is life kids, people die, the people you hate die, your parents die, you loved one die, your friends die, your mistress dies, you mom dies, your dad dies, they all die.

You die

You die in the coldest of blood as you stand between a river and a hard place hoping that one day death can hopefully take you too, weather its to a better life, or ultimately a worse life…

And none of it even makes any fucking sense

None of it does

None of these bastard problems in my life if it wasn’t for the people to took me and makde me like this, for the people who taught me this that the other, the people who raided my house every night just to collect tax pay from my mum and dad before killing dad and raping mom, and then killing her on top! Ugh, I hate, I hate it I hate it I hate it  iahte it I ahte it I ahte it I hate it I ahte it I ahet it I ahte it I hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! ALL OF IT EVERYSINGLE BIT! I HATE EVERY SINGLE BIT!

But maybe it’s jst me who gets all the deaths.

Maybe it’s payback,

No it might be finance

Payment

For the fact that i’m nonetheless immortal.

(This is the real world, motehrfucker, this is all you get, you get that, this is the end, that’s the end, there is no tale, there is no hero, only despair!)

LIVE WITH IT!

…

And again, as appointed and spoken by Laina mustaine as well as afire=med by the entire crew upon this as per to to close this off we would like to play a recorded excerpt from Chuck hetisfield’s ‘a loss is for a gain, and a gain all for a loss’

‘I’ve always had a nice childhood a macron born in the valleys of peacelike city and all, but I always wondered, what were the other people in my life like. and so as I grew older and wiser, I ge=ained much more scope of my surroundings and information upon what I havd known of what I knew as this world, but the further I went, the further I knew, that, It doesn’t matter about other peoples lives, it’s all about you, what you want to prcieve, what you want to be, and how you want to live. If you want to live a certain way, fine go live it, and if you got people heloping you gte there quicker, well the more’s the merrier as I say. But if I was to tell my greatest grandchildren anything before the apocalypse, it would be this, and the fact that water should be gathered at a well, not a lake, because by gosh diddly darn will those lakes become blackadder’s waters soon, by god. Oh I love my job, and you should too. I hope your all doing well too’

To all remaining, would you please kindly levae the disperses through the front exits as we are now closing for repairs and cleaning processes. Thank you to all who participated and remained until this moment. – Laina Mustaine, mistress of the scientific department, the world industries.

CLOSING FOR REPAIR.